One of the steps in the process of understanding the concept of “transgender” is to recognize that society assigns one of two gender roles to people, based on their sex at birth. When someone is born with a penis, society labels them as male and projects certain expectations onto that person (i.e., blue clothing, sports-lover, stoic, etc.); when someone is born with a vagina, society labels them as female and projects other expectations onto that person (i.e., pink clothing, princess-aspiring, emotional, etc.).
Transgender people do not fit the typical binary expectations of society, with some even identifying as non-binary and/or gender fluid.
This week’s Torah portion - Parshat Toldot - begins with the story of the birth of Yakov (Jacob) and Eisav (Esau). Almost immediately, each of the children were assigned specific identities, which the Torah presents as binary (and which, perhaps, can be mapped onto gender roles):
Eisav emerged first from his mother’s womb, covered in hair from head to toe. Yakov, on the other hand, emerged second, grasping on to his brother’s ankle.
In his youth, Eisav was a hunter who enjoyed the outdoors, while Yakov is described as an “Ish Tam” - a mild-mannered person who preferred to stay indoors.
Eisav was his father’s “favorite” while Yakov was his mother’s “favorite”.
The binary it is further reinforced in the first reported interaction between the brothers.
Eisav, having returned from hunting - famished - came upon his brother, Jacob, who was preparing a pot of lentils. Eisav crassly asked/demanded some of the food, but Jacob made him “sell” his birthright as the eldest in exchange. Impulsively, Eisav agreed.
All of this came crashing down, though, when it was time for Yitzchak (Isaac) to bless his children before his passing.
He spoke first (and only) to Eisav, requesting that his son hunt for some food so that he could bestow a blessing upon him. However, while Eisav was busy catching something for his father to eat, his mother, Rivka (Rebecca), pulled Jacob aside and insisted that he take the blessing from his brother.
Yakov worried that his father would know that he was being tricked the moment that he felt his smooth skin, so Rebecca - in addition to preparing some wonderful food - dressed him (Yakov) in Eisav’s clothes.
When Yakov approached his father, he presented himself as Eisav and set before him the prepared food. A skeptical Yitzchak asked Yakov to approach him and he took his hands in his. As he felt Eisav’s clothing he seemed perplexed, uttering the words “The voice is the voice of Yakov, yet the hands are the hands of Esau.”
Yet, despite his doubts, Yitzchak bestowed the blessing - intended for Eisav - on Yakov.
On the surface, this is a troubling story. A simple read of the incident indicates that Yakov used trickery to wrestle the blessing away from Eisav. Many commentaries have tried to explain Yakov’s actions, with some trying to justify the trickery itself.
But, maybe, what was happening at that moment was an actual revelation of the truth. Perhaps Yakov - he of the high-pitched voice and hairless skin - was moving beyond his physical appearance to embrace his true, inner identity.
At first, having a trans child can be confusing. When one has spent an entire life living with the assumption of gender as fact, a child who declares that he/she is trans seems to be using “trickery”. This assumption will continue throughout the child’s life unless that child takes action and unless their is a parent (ideally, parents) willing to see beyond the physical.
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